How to Get a Job at Walmarts

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This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.

They hired him because he was so funny…..

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company‘s President or Vice President. But seriously, what ever‘s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn‘t be applying here in the first place

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that‘s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I‘m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:

It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30–3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

Yes, but they‘re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM

LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:

Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

I think the more appropriate question here would be ‘Do you have a car that runs?‘

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:

I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:

On the job-no! On my breaks-yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond supermodel who thinks I‘m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I‘d like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE:

7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF

YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

Oh yes, absolutly.

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