The Smokey the Bear- Sitting up in missionary, light her pubes on fire and extinguish the flames with your load.
The Tiger Woods- While having sex with your mistress, throw her legs over your shoulder and kindly reach under her ass. Feel around to make sure the greens are cut and then putt one of your balls into her asshole.
The Dr. Zoidberg- Take her extra roast beef into your mouth and proceed to exclaim, “Look at me! I’m Dr. Zoidberg!” as her meat slaps against your lips.
The Davy Jones- Same as above except with girls that were cursed with the double quarter-pounder vag.
The Walt Disney- When in a 69 with a 12 year old, spread her asshole and insert a mouse.
The Chuck Liddell- Also in a 69 ask her if you can finger her ass. When she says no wrap your legs around her neck in a scissor choke hold and fart in her mouth. Proceed as planned.
The Na’vi- When she goes down to give you head, grab her pony tail and proceed to tickle your asshole with it.
The Sarah Palin- Order a Russian bride. Make her stand on the other side of the room and see if you can hit her in the face with your man juice from your side of the bed.
The Bernie Madoff- Tell every chick you meet you have a 10 inch penis and proceed to disappoint them with your microscopic meat stick.
The Lady Gaga- Tuck your shit between your legs and sit on her face. Stare down at your mangina while she sucks your cock from below.
The Balloon Boy- Turn the lights off and stick a vibrator in her. Now run, hide in the attic, and play video games.
The Michael Vick- Invite two girls over and let them fight over which one gets to suck your dick.
The Snidely Whiplash- Place your mouth on her pussy, grab each side of her labia and twist like an evil mustache saying, “Yes…. Yes…. Yes…”
The Dale Earnhardt- Stand out in front of the bed. Run as fast as you can and then faceplant directly into her vaginal walls.
The Bear Grylls- Have her place her hands on each side of your dick and start rubbing them together until your balls catch on fire. Then she administers a golden shower survival demonstration to put it out.
The Sylar- Dress your girlfriend in a cheerleader outfit and right when you are about to cum, pull out and nut in a line across her forehead declaring immortality.
The Rube Goldberg- Turn on a stove to heat up some water. When the water boils the steam will push a ball bearing down a chute and into a toaster. When the toaster shorts it will start a small fire that will burn through a rope holding up your girlfriend. When the rope snaps she falls onto your cock.
The Ted- The girl lays on her back and rolls her knees up to her head so her asshole is in the air. You proceed to blow on her cornjug country bear jamboree style.
The All My Ex’s- Play Call of Duty with your friends and brag about how badass you are while your girlfriend has sex with everyone except you in the other room.
The George W Bush- Get her naked and wet by telling her what you are going to do to her. Say “Mission accomplished!” and leave.
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