Does ennui or failed relationships lead middle-aged men to become a shadow of their once-upon-a-time sexy selves.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have called it quits, and reportedly, their separation will be made formal soon. Currently, the couple (worth $330 million) is busy trying to find a way to amicably share responsibilities of their children and protect their fortune. Hollywood watchers are not terribly shocked; some are even putting their money on ex-wife Jennifer Aniston and Pitt getting back together.
That may be conjecture yet, but what has not gone down well with Pitt-fans is the manner in which he seems to have let himself go — the bags under his eyes, a scruffy goatee, and (God help mankind) an obnoxious uncle-ji paunch. You cannot put it down to age and circumstance either: he-is-46-in-a-bad-moment-let-him-be. Check out the 50-plus George Clooney, the bachelor who works hard and plays harder. Women do not compromise with their fantasies, and dealing with a rudderless and seemingly powerless Pitt can be intrusive.
So what is behind Brad Pitt’s middle-age spread? Why is he withering? Is it middle-age itself? A long-term relationship gone sour? Or the realisation that this is as good as it gets — he’s been at the top of his career and has had relationships with some of the most sought-after women: Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Aniston and Anjelina Jolie.
With a split from Jolie now imminent, Brad Pitt has started looking scruffy and unkempt.
His earlier, cool-dude form
MID LIFE CRISIS?
Middle-age has distinct ramifications on men: some of them fall victim to mid-life crisis and look to turn back the clock to hang on to a residual youth, while others are known to let go, waking up to the awareness that the only way to go now is perhaps downhill.
Look around you, there may not be a Brad Pitt (with or without shape), but there are men who fit the bill.
Clinical psychologist Varkha Chulani puts it down to ennui and boredom. There are many men of that age in the city who are victims, but none of them recognise it as a problem. They are known to become slothful, are unkempt and end up looking much older than their chronological age. In their minds they start visualising themselves as an older person. “At this stage, they tend to slip into the comfort of their marriage and have reached the height of their careers. They settle into a lifeless existence,” says Chulani. This shows up in their body language as well as their self-image.
WOMEN VS MEN
Interestingly, Chulani notes, women too tend to be anxious about themselves at this stage. They worry about slowing metabolism and the onset of menopause, and go that extra mile to put themselves back in ship shape.
But a man reacts differently. With the woman being in charge at home and the man having by now plateaued in his careers, he is in a not-so-challenging zone. The children are grown up and ready to fly, having become the decision makers of their lives. He is thus simply a provider, and often faces his wife and children ganging up against him. It has been observed that if he does not address this complexity of life, he ends up uprooting his family.
THE WAY OUT
So what does he do? Mostly, turn to an old boys’ club of sorts. Often this club is peopled with men — podgy and pot bellied — who are of little consequence elsewhere. Women actually look upon this set as a troublesome lot. For they have procreated and settled in, unconsciously edging out the man from their lives. The man, on the other hand, finds little charm in turning to younger women. In fact, they can be seen at cafes and pubs eyeing 20-somethings, ironically where they are not welcome either.
Or they do what Brad Pitt has just done — buy himself a two-bedroom bachelor pad in Hollywood Hills, a far cry from any of the lush and expansive homes that he and his partner shared in the past. (Reportedly, he wants to distance himself from all memory of Jolie).
Chulani notes that at this stage men need to have a healthy attitude towards solitude, for they tend to become victims of alienation, anxiety and addictions. The break-up of marriages between older couples — those married for 20 years or more — are a reflection of this as mostly, it’s women who initiate separation. It projects the fact that women at that age are not averse to taking the bold step of walking out of their marriages. They are emboldened to take this step as the power structure at home has shifted in their favour, and it just takes a nudge to push it over.
Men therefore, would be advised to take stock and look at themselves and take corrective measures, concludes Chulani.
Source: The World Wide Web! - Back to Homepage
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